


Peace Was Always An Option

by johnwtfson



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Charles punches him, Erik is bitter and sad, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 19:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1995228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnwtfson/pseuds/johnwtfson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erik thought his life would be full of destruction and pain. He didn't count on finding the peace he thought was never there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Peace Was Always An Option

Erik is lost. 

War is his norm. Pain and grief and darkness and anger was all he had ever known, and all he thinks he will ever come to know. 

"You miss him," Raven tells him one night, wearing her white robe and reading a cliché romance novel. Erik glances sideways at her, because they both know who she's talking about. They had silently promised to not talk about life before Cuba, but Raven has never been really good at keeping promises. 

"He must be missing you," Erik replies, neither confirming nor denying. 

"I miss him. Maybe we should visit."

Part of Erik wants to shake his head and tell her that the past is a place they can not venture to and that they need to move on, but a different part of Erik wants to phone the Xavier mansion right now and organize a visit.

Torn, he hums under his breath and leaves the room. Raven sighs and goes back to reading. 

\---

It's late and Erik is still awake, feeling a presence in his mind. He's not wearing the helmet, not at this time of night. He's compelled to get up and put it on, but he knows who is lurking in his head. 

He wants to speak out to Charles, but he knows if he starts, he'll never want to stop. 

\---

"I was thinking maybe this weekend," Raven drawls as she flicks through the TV channels. Training is over and they've both retreated to the dingy flat they stay in when they're not training. It's not a home, and it feels empty and tense. 

"For what?"

"Our visit."

Erik narrows his eyes at her. "You can visit the Xavier mansion if you really feel like it, but this is your visit and yours alone."

He turns to walk away when Raven retaliates. "He called last night. He's paralysed from the waist down. In a wheelchair."

Erik wants to turn around and demand she tell him everything, demand she give him a number to phone. He's furious that she has contacted Charles, that she got to talk to him, but the news she has shared is too much for him to process, so instead he continues walking back to his room. 

\---

Paralysed. Waist down. Wheelchair. 

Words had never caused him as much pain as they were now. 

\---

"I'll be gone until, oh... Maybe, 4 in the afternoon tomorrow?" Raven explains, suitcase in hand and car keys in her pocket. "I'll catch up on any missed training when I return."

Erik nods, briefly, throat clogged with pain. More pain; it was all he could feel as of late. 

She nods back and turns to exit the room. 

"Raven, wait."

Erik's mouth is betraying him, but his heartbeat speeds up just a little at the protest. 

"I'll... Maybe I'll come, too."

Raven smirks, like she knew he would change his mind all along. Erik knows she probably did. 

She gives him five minutes to pack a bag and before Erik can fully comprehend what he's doing, they're in the car and on the road. 

\---

It takes them a whole three hours to reach the Xavier property, which is as neat and posh as it was the last time they were there. Raven sighs as she pulls into a park beneath a hanging tree outside the mansion. 

"He doesn't know you're here, I didn't want to get his hopes up," she says, turning the engine off. 

"Hopes up? I should think he's going to punch me in the face," Erik mutters. 

"Like I said, I didn't want to get his hopes up."

She steps out of the car and walks over to where Hank is standing alongside Charles, one hand on the back of the steel wheelchair Charles is seated in. She greets both men with a hug and a kiss on the cheek while Erik breathes deeply and opens the passenger door. 

He walks over to where they've gathered, heart racing. He wants to throw up. Or die. Or both. 

"Hello, Hank," he says, nodding towards the young man. "Charles."

Smiles are long gone. Hank looks shocked, and Erik fixates his eyes on the young scientist because he can't find the courage to look at Charles in a wheelchair. 

Charles isn't looking at Erik. Charles is looking at Raven. "You didn't tell me you would be accompanied by another."

Another. Erik notes the lack of his name in the sentence. 

"Last minute change of plans," Raven says. "Apologies."

Charles finally drags his eyes to Erik, and Erik looks down at Charles. 

"Would you two give us a moment, please?" Charles says, and Hank accompanied Raven into the mansion wordlessly. 

"Charles, I-"

There's a blur of movement before Charles' fist meets with Erik's face. He has hurled himself out of his wheelchair and upright to be near Erik's face, before collapsing back down, leaving Erik feeling dizzy, and in pain. 

"I guess I deserved that," Erik mutters bitterly, swallowing the taste of blood. 

"I guess you did," Charles glares. 

"Charles, I am..." he begins, but he doesn't know how to finish that sentence. He's sorry, but simply saying that isn't enough. "I mean, I am..."

"Sorry?"

Charles' tone is sarcastic and Erik knows he is not the only one feeling pain. 

"No, that's not it. I..."

He swallows again, meeting Charles' eyes. 

"I am more then sorry. I doubt there is a man alive who regrets his actions more than I do, Charles."

Charles snorts. "Regret won't make either of us better."

"Then let it bring you satisfaction in knowing that I am more pained then when you first met me," Erik spits. 

"I am not you, Erik. I find no pleasure in other's pain."

And that hits hard. Charles' words strike him harder then his punch, leaving Erik aching with pain, pain that Charles has reflected back unintentionally. 

"I am not the same man that I once was," Erik manages to say, voice quieter then before. 

"I should hope not."

Charles looks at the ground momentarily. "It's good to see you, though."

Erik knows it's not forgiveness, but it's acceptance, and that will do for the time being.

"It's good to see you too."

\---

He doesn't feel welcome in the Xavier mansion, but he finds some comfort when Hank silently reveals his room, left the same way it had before he left. Dust has covered every item inside and it's cold, but unlike the flat he shares with Raven, this room means something. 

Charles left it the way it was, and that means something. 

He thanks Hank with a silent nod and a stony expression that is reciprocated by the scientist. As Hank wanders away to busy himself in whatever, Erik breathes in the dust-scented familiarity. He's never been a fan of nostalgia, but then again, he's never had any good memories to be nostalgic about. 

Before, it was pain and death and loss and anger. His mother dying, Shaw, the war...

Now, he is content. He's flooded with memories of laughter, satellite dishes, fire, races. 

'Good to hear that you have fond memories of this place,' Charles' voice says, lurking in his mind. 

'I thought you promised not to read my mind?' Erik thinks back.

'You were projecting, I can't help it.'

Charles says nothing else, and he doesn't have to. 

\---

"How many children do you have here?" Erik asks dryly over dinner. 

"A few. Maybe thirty. We're encouraging more to come here, but it's not easy," Charles replies.

They are very brisk and civil in their conversation. Neither of them express emotion or excessive detail in their answers, and it makes Raven and Hank slightly uncomfortable. 

"And what do the kids get taught?" Raven queries. 

"Well, we offer the standard classes - Maths, Science, English... But we also have classes that are strictly focused on controlling their mutations, and using it to their advantage."

"You've done very well," Raven beams. "God, if only we had a school like yours when we were growing up."

"Thank you Raven, that means a lot," Charles says. "And indeed, that's why I started it. No child should ever be made to feel that they can't be who they are."

"You have a large heart, Charles," Raven says. Erik can't help but silently agree. 

Although, nothing is silent when you know a telepath. 

'I'm glad you agree, Erik.'

'It is true.'

Charles says nothing but the corners of his lips turn upwards slightly and they stay that way until dinner is over. 

\---

Erik can't sleep again, and it's not because Charles is in his mind this time. He's restless, awake, and unusually inspired. Erik thinks a lot, but his thoughts are racing in the darkness. In the end, it's Charles' voice, his genuine voice, that calms his mind. 

"You're projecting wildly. Perhaps a game of chess would clear your head."

Erik knows that Charles is directly outside his door, so he creeps out of his bed, pulls on a shirt and shoes, and opens the door. 

Charles is out of his tweed suit, and instead is dressed in a black sweater and grey tracksuits. It's strange to see him so informal, but Erik himself is dressed in nothing but a shirt and casual pants, so he's not one to talk. Charles greets him with a nod of his head. 

"Evening, Erik," he says as he rolls off, leading the way. 

They reach Charles' study shortly after, and as Charles positions himself in front of a table, Erik sets up the board. It's just like the night before Cuba - Charles is white, Erik is black. Charles starts the game, and for the first few minutes, neither says anything. 

Charles is first to break the silence. 

"The last time we were here together, I was in my armchair," he remarks, moving a pawn across the board. 

"If you're trying to make me feel bad, it's working."

"Just... Drawing parallels," he says. 

Erik moves his castle silently before leaning back to consider Charles' words. 

"That night, you told me that killing Shaw would not bring me peace."

"Yes, I did."

"I replied by saying that peace was never an option."

"Yes, you did."

"I lied."

Charles looks up from the chessboard. "How did you lie?"

"Peace was never an option... Up until I met you."

Erik is scared, shaking with uncertainty, but he knows he needs to let this out. He needs to fix what he has broken. 

"Oh, Erik," Charles says, looking at him and only him. "You really are soft beneath your exterior. Peace was always an option, with me."

Chess has been forgotten - not that either minds. "I don't expect you to forgive me or trust me immediately. All I ask of you is that perhaps you could find it within yourself to allow me peace with you now," Erik whispers. 

"I think, I can do that," Charles replies, rolling away from the table and towards Erik's seat. He leans forward and flings his arms around Erik, and Erik can feel Charles' teary face pressed against his neck. He leans forward to make the hug more comfortable for Charles, placing his own arms on Charles' back. 

It's not perfect, but Erik is at peace. He knows that come tomorrow morning, he will return to his flat and gather his belongings before telling Azazel and Emma that he's leaving for more important matters. He'll then drive straight back. It won't be easy, and he knows it will take time before his relationship with Charles blossoms into deep love, but for now, he is at peace. Erik Lehnsherr, a man who had spent his whole life feeling nothing but pain, is finally feeling content.


End file.
